• Home
  • About
    • Meet Kristin
  • The Book
  • Podcast
  • Blog
    • Spiritual Direction
    • Turquoise Table Stories
    • Recipe Collection
    • 5-Day Meet Your Neighbors Challenge
    • Conversations
  • Spiritual Direction
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
  • About
    • Meet Kristin
    • Meet the Team
  • Start Here
  • Join the Community
  • Register Your Table
  • The Book
  • Podcast
  • Blog
    • Turquoise Table Stories
    • Suppers for Sharing
    • Recipes
    • Conversations
  • Media
  • Speaking
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

The Turquoise Table

Kristin Schell

  • Start Here
  • Register Your Table
  • The Community

in Conversations

When the words won’t come…

My pea brain is flooded with stories, bursting at the brim with tales to tell. But the words won’t come. I’m two weeks into the Lenten discipline the Lord called me to – Pray, Fast, Write. At first I thought the intention ‘write’ was to fill the pages of this blog. Instead the ink is pouring over pages on a simple spiral binder sitting next to my prayer couch and Bible. But something is holding me back from pouring my heart into The Kitchen Mission. And, it’s got me on my knees.

I feel completely led, convicted even, to share my 40 Day fast at The Schell Cafe. I feel fueled by Him daily as I manage to learn, prepare and cook in this new Plant Strong, vegan, weirdo diet. How precious and merciful of God to use a passion of mine (cooking!) to discipline me. I am encouraged daily by emails, comments and visits with friends who all seek to be healthier. For me it’s not just about health, it’s about being holier for him. And guess what? This bizarro path of changing my lifestyle is also changing my heart for him. And isn’t that the purpose of a fast? Not to beg God to change our lives or circumstances, but to seek God’s will as he changes us for his purpose, his glory, his kingdom.

Now I know what you might be thinking, “She’s a vegan, God is talking to her and changing her?” You might even be a little worried. Worried that I’m a FREAK! But, here’s the truth. Nowhere in the Bible does it say ‘thou shalt be a vegan’. This is not a commandment from God. God gave this discipline to me as a gift. Long ago he planted a passion in my heart for food and cooking. For a season he is asking me to burst with creativity, cook as an act of worship, and limit the foods I choose as a sacrifice. This is not a punishment or a goal I’m trying to prove I can meet. It is a process, a holy conditioning, a training for him and his glory.

I’m trying to be obedient. It’s hard. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not supposed to be easy, it’s a sacrifice. More frustrating to me than the plant-based diet is writing my faith story here at The Kitchen Mission. How ironic is that? I’ve given up all meat, dairy, and eggs with relative ease, but I can’t manage to figure out the writing part. I mentioned I have pages of journal entries, but I’ve been journaling for years so this hardly seems new. Writing The Kitchen Mission has from day one been an act of obedience. One I tried to ignore and then resisted for as long as I could. Remember this? And it seems I’m still resisting. I feel like a massive dam is holding back the words, the stories, the teaching, the learning. Occasionally a slow trickle of tear-sized water will creep through a miniscule crevice. But the pressure of the flood is building, driving me mad sometimes with desire to pour out my heart and soul. I have near constant conversations in my head (enhancing my freak status), on-going dialogues which would make perfectly formed writings, but by the time I sit at the computer to write I can’t wring a word out of the seemingly sopping rag.

Am I being disobedient? Finding excuses not to write? Am I afraid? If so, of what? Have I confused what I thought was God’s desire for me to write this blog with something of my own will? Is He refining me, polishing my holy restlessness? Am I making all this stuff up?

Clearly I need the remaining 4 weeks left of this Lenten discipline. And no doubt beyond. The fasting, the praying and the writing are so intertwined. I thought the fasting would be the hardest part. The physical part of fasting has actually given me clarity and an increased hunger for him fueling my prayers. And I trust if it’s his will, the words will come.

Love,

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Email
  • Print

Filed Under: Conversations

« Miso Soup
Better Than A Hallelujah »

Meet Kristin

Welcome! I'm so glad you're here.

I'm on a mission to love my neighbors. I put an ordinary picnic table in my front yard, painted it turquoise and invited neighbors, friends, and even strangers to hang out and do life together at the Turquoise Table®.

I hope you'll join us!

About Kristin

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

The Book

Buy Now

The Podcast

The Turquoise Table Podcast with Kristin Schell

Listen Now

Join the Movement

  • Start Here
  • Join the Community
  • Register Your Table
  • Your Tables

Subscribe for Updates

Quick Links

  • Media
  • Contact
82 years young! Happy Birthday Mia- we love you so 82 years young! Happy Birthday Mia- we love you so much! 😍🎉🎂🥳
My people. 🫶 My people. 🫶
Celebrating Sarah! Our final HP graduation 👨🏻‍🎓 👩🏻‍🎓👩‍🎓 👩🏻‍🎓We love you SBS!
Hook ‘em Ellie! We’re so proud of you, our lif Hook ‘em Ellie! We’re so proud of you, our lifelong Longhorn! Congrats on graduation —we love you so much and are so very proud of you! 🧡🤘🏽🧡
Final kindergarten chapel to final senior year cha Final kindergarten chapel to final senior year chapel. So grateful for St Matthew’s and Hyde Park for loving and raising up our four. If you need me I’m the mama crying buckets for the entire month of May as we celebrate two milestone graduations.
This lil nugget is 18! Oh Sarah how we love you! H This lil nugget is 18! Oh Sarah how we love you! Happy Birthday baby girl 💕🎂🥳🎁🎉
Follow on Instagram

Copyright ©2005-2023 Kristin Schell · Site by Erin Ulrich Creative