I just hung up the phone with one of my nearest and dearests. We were hemming and hawing about Monday morning and how even before 9 am the day seemed to be winning. I’ve already been to school twice. Once, on purpose, to deliver the Littles. I planned that trip. The second time; however, wasn’t something I planned, nor was it something I particularly wanted to do. I returned to school to deliver the two binders left behind on the kitchen counter.
My friend offered encouragement that I was being outrageously hospitable by taking the binders to school. I joked that the silver lining was I’ve done my one hospitable deed for the day. Good to be done and cross that off the list while I still had coffee to enjoy. All jokes aside, we took the conversation a step further and I asked her why it’s so hard to offer sincere, genuine, outrageous hospitality. She rattled off a list and then turned the question back to me. Why don’t you offer outrageous hospitality?
Well, isn’t it obvious? My house is a mess and my legs aren’t shaved.
The truth is hospitality comes with a price tag. I’m not talking about dollars and cents. Outrageous hospitality is inconvenient—it requires a sacrifice of our time, our energy, and, yes, even our resources. And, when we begin to weigh and count up the cost, we become overwhelmed and so we just don’t do it.
Here is a list of reasons, exaggerated ever so slightly for fun, my friend and I came up with this morning.
Top 10 Reasons We Don’t Offer Hospitality
10. My house is a mess. Lame, but true. I’m too lazy to clean up the reality of our lives, and too proud to let everyone witness it.
9. My legs aren’t shaved. Shaving takes time and energy I don’t have right now. And, I can’t host guests with hairy legs.
8. I’m reading a really good book. I’m selfish and don’t want to be interrupted. I just need time to escape the reality of my busy life.
7. I don’t know what I would cook. Seriously, this is really lame. I’m a cook.
6. I don’t feel nice. OK. I could cook. But, you can’t just have people over and feed them. You have to be nice, and civil, and listen. I’m a horrible listener.
5. I don’t know any strangers. Isn’t hospitality about entertaining strangers? If I knew them they wouldn’t be strangers, duh.
4. Analysis paralysis. There are so many people I would like to invite over, to spend time with, but the thought of when and how is so overwhelming I end up doing nothing.
3. I’m tired. I’m spent. I spend so much energy getting through the days that the thought of opening my heart and my home overwhelms me.
2. I’m broke. Hospitality costs time, money, and energy. I don’t have an abundance of those things right now.
1. I’m afraid. What if I invite people over and they want to stay. Not like in my house, but in my life. Forever.
These are real reasons. And, I didn’t venture into serious situations that truly keep us from offering hospitality. Perhaps you are in a season of receiving, rather than giving hospitality.
What reasons would you add to the list? Come on, don’t be shy. Shout out your best reason that keeps you from offering outrageous hospitality. {You don’t have to shave your legs to answer!}
Day #14 Table Talk: What keeps you from offering outrageous hospitality?
Kristin, I am so enjoying your series on outrageous hospitality.
I wrote a story on my blog recently above a couple who bought a big house and named her Gracie. Each Saturday morning, they would pull out a legal pad, filled with the names of people in and around their community. They would go down that list until they found someone who accepted the invitation for dinner at Gracie that night. They did this every Saturday! And they always kept it simple — simple food, simple pottery, … but deep conversation. I think they modeled outrageous hospitality so beautifully.
Thanks again for your great series, Kristin.
Jennifer, Oh I love that! Gracie. Seriously? Now I need to name my house. Thanks for sharing this story. I may point back to it tomorrow when I follow up with how to cultivate a heart for hospitality. PS. I just read your piece. HOW DID I MISS THAT? Oh, friend what a glorious story of outrageous hospitality.
The size of my house. Years ago when I bought this house I never saw the size as an issue and it still should not be one. However, with most of our friends having moved onto their second or third home with elaborate yards and big spaces I stop myself from having friends over because I worry there is not enough space – especially if we start adding children into the mix If I stop myself and say it doesn’t matter we end up having a great time and I don’t think our guests even notice (or if they do it’s never mentioned 🙂
I’ve never noticed, friend. Which begs the question, when are you inviting The Schells over again?!? xoxo, K
Kristin, I am going to use the excuse that YOUR legs aren’t shaved. Is that okay? 😉
Kristin,
I feel you today! I have wanted to have folks over to our house for dinner in my heart but haven’t really ever put it into play very many times. Always with excuses as to why not to have people over. Recently I read Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist. This is an amazing book written by a woman that has a way with writing…I cannot even do justice to how she is able to describe things with her writing. Anyway, she gives the encouragement to just do it. Your house may not be perfect, the food either, but what is perfect is the smile on the faces as you open up the door to your home and give your heart to your friends. We have a couple of new neighbors move in on our street this summer so my husband and I invited about 12 people over for dinner. The night before our a/c went out but I didn’t let it panic me too much. It was fixed that morning and the house was cooler (not like I would have wanted) and everyone said they thought the temperature was cool. I think they all keep their houses warmer than we do:)
I do not know if you have read this book, if not I think you would love it.
Beverly,
I’m a huge fan of Shauna’s. Isn’t Bread & Wine wonderful? I love your story about the a/c going out. It’s so real! I remember a time I hosted a few women out at our lake house and the plumbing went out. No water, no toilets. Go figure. But, I bet if you asked the women there that weekend, it wouldn’t be the first thing they remembered. Maybe the 2nd, but not the first. 😉 Glad you are here today. xo, K
OH, I had to laugh at this post! It reminded me of the joke about a dinner party where the mom asks the child to pray and the child say, “What should I say?” The mom replies, “Just say what Mommy says!” And the child prays, “Dear Lord, Why did I invite all these people over.”
Ha!
I live in an regular Cape Cod style vinyl sided old house in the midst of some gorgeous, huge Mediterranean styled new ones. It can be really hard to swallow the worry about measuring up. But I just do it – I invite folks in and it’s always good. I just need a sign on the door that says “Welcome to our Happy Chaos!”
Maggie,
Oh! We need to get those signs. LOVE it – Happy Chaos – is my new motto. xo, K
I’m going to use the “I haven’t shaved my legs” excuse…it’s way better than the real reason–fear. What if I offer hospitality and no one accepts my invitation?!
Oh Jan! I can’t imagine anyone ever turning down the opportunity to be with you! But, I get butterflies every time I send an invite…especially for the Littles. I remember scheming up a Plan B in case no one showed up for Littlest’s birthday party. I was going to move everything to the park and pray some “new” friends showed up at cake time. 🙂
Thanks for this…I found your blog from Pinterest….I will def be checking out your other posts 🙂 I laughed at the reasons because those are most of my reasons…lol thanks for a good laugh and a challenge to be more hospitable 🙂
#11 – I already cleanup after my kids, I don’t want to cleanup the triple size mess after guests.