I’ve been disobedient lately. I am fully aware that you have been stirring my heart and leading me to start this new blog. Even though I know you are leading me (or think I know you are leading me?) I am full of fear & doubt so I’m just kind of ignoring it. Only it’s not going away, this whole WRITE A CHRISTIAN BLOG thing. That nagging gentle nudge you’ve been putting on my heart since, um well, last March. So for the last six months I’ve dreamed up every excuse in the book not to sit down and write. Wanna hear them all again? You know where I run through all the reasons why I can’t do this? Like, I’m not a writer. Or, I don’t have time. Oh and remember when I scoffed around for a week wallowing in worry that no one would read anything I wrote? That was a good one, huh? And how ’bout the ever present I‘m just not trained in theology or an expert in Your Word. You have to give me credit for that one. At least it’s true.
As a mother of four precious Littles, I know the privilege of sending the children to their rooms when they are being disobedient. I guess what I’m asking for is to be sent to my room. For my disobedience. The way I see it is like this: I get sent to my room. With a brand new laptop. Because I would write better if I had a new laptop. And, of course if I was alone, in peace and quiet in my room. With a hot cup of tea. I’d play praise music and pray and think and write and….Oh God, THEN it would be easy to obey you. If I was in my room. Did I mention with peace and quiet?! Just checkin’.
But Lord while I crave this time of peace and solitude all snuggled in my room (writing), I would ask that it not come by virtue of a broken limb or rare intestinal disorder. Unless, of course, the intestinal disorder was a friendly fat eating parasite that would rid me of 20 lbs without the embarrassing loss of bodily functions.
Father, I know you are stirring my heart. I hear you calling in the night (generally around 4:42 am). I am struggling with trusting and obeying your will for me.
But, here I go. Right now. I’m clicking submit post. Which means I’m writing the blog…
Your Servant Kristin